No holes barred.

The joys of a birthday party. Cake, friends, delicious drinks and balloons. I sometimes find that one's own birthday party can be a little stressful, guest lists, food, will people come? Is everyone having a good time? So I think its important to have the best time possible when attending someone else's birthday. This works well in two ways: 1. The host sees that you are having a swell old time of it, therefore putting them at ease, one less guest to worry about. 2.You are having a swell old time of it.

The location of the party is a prime consideration.

• Will the room work?
  
• Is there enough space?
  
• Is there too much space?
  
• Where will I set up the drinks?
  
• Where will I put the coats?

If you find it impossible to answer these questions, it might be best to have it in a venue, like a function room of a pub. This my friends, is where my cautionary tale begins.
A good friend of mine was hosting their 30th birthday party in the function room of a popular Dublin pub. The area was nicely decorated with balloons and banners and there had been a satisfactory, if not a little dry, birthday cake. Towards the end of the evening I had taken up the traditional party pursuit of rubbing a balloon in ones hair and using the static charge to stick it to various objects and people about the room.
When closing time came, a bouncer came up to the area and went around each table and informing them individually that it was closing time. On his third consecutive round of all 12 remaining guests, I took the opportunity to stick the statically charged balloon to his bum. Somewhat like a bunnies tail.
The bouncer bobbed off with his pink tail, much to our amusement and continued re-informing us of closing time. Unfortunately for me, another bouncer had been monitoring the event closely and had spotted the arrival of the bunnies tail. He immediately swooped in and dramatically relieved his colleague of his new tail. Their glare then fell on me. They possessed the pent up fury of 12 hungry wolves. I was 'accompanied' down the stairs and placed in the doorway to await the manager of the establishment. When he appeared, he asked me my version of events. I recounted the incident in as light a tone as possible and fortunately the manager seemed to find it rather amusing. Sadly, though the bouncer did not. The result was a life long ban from the establishment. This was nearly 3 years ago and the door staff still have not changed. I remain barred.
So what to do if you get the urge to pin the tail on the bouncer? My advice, resist!