Sneaky Sneaky

I think I am now finally old enough to have my own proper pet. I would really like a cat. I have been observing friends and family with their four legged friends and feel I would adapt easily into the role of cat owner, hi I'm Sasha, yeah that's right, I own a cat.

The first stumbling block I hit was a clause in our lease stating no pets. I have decided I can work around this one. We already have fish, the landlady seems fine with them, so a cat shouldn't be too far a leap.

The next stumbling block is the live-in love of my life. He has a really appalling cat allergy. Not just your usual streaming eye sort of thing, but full on can't breathe allergy. This is going to be trickier than I had initially thought...

I do play a little game with myself when bored at my desk, imagining that I have a really large Persian cat sitting on my knee and I have to work around him. Its a charm of a sport, makes any dull Tuesday fly by. So I applied the same principles to the apartment cat. I would imagine I had a cat and see how that went.

Hello Sneaky. Sneaky is now my imaginary cat, he officially lives up the chimney and sneaks out, hiding from the allergy, so we can all live harmoniously. Its going down an absolute storm! We love Sneaky! (I love having a third party to blame for stuff, Sneaky is a demon for not putting my clothes away.)

It was all going so well. Until yesterday. Fortunately Wonder Boy had vanished for the weekend and it was just Sneaky and I holding the fort. I had the patio doors open to air the place a little, I was so smug and in a complete Cath Kidston fantasy with this small practicality. The next thing I know, Sneaky has managed to come to life and is sitting on my bed! I was shellshocked. He didn't answer to the name Sneaky, we could work around this, but how had this happened! He was so handsome, big furry black coat, with a grey bib, quite debonair.

The next clue that something wasn't quite right came in the form of a smell. Sneaky showers daily, I am often delayed getting out of bed because Sneaky has gone ahead of me into the shower, so this smell was hard to explain. I began to think I had an imposter on my hands. The only thing I could do was to ask him to leave. Which he did.

He left me with quite the calling card though, a fur encrusted bed. I mustered all my Cath Kidston inspired strength and put the bed linen on the hottest wash possible. Then I rang my Mum. She sensibly enquired about where the cat had been sitting, naturally he was on Wonder Boy's side and had he been on the sheet or the duvet mainly? He was a sheet man it turned out. Mother's solution? Ditch the sheet, get a new one in a nice bright spring colour, and stop inviting lethal allergens into your home!

Sneaky and I are off to make some fluffed Soya milk now, he's been helping me type.